Today it finally happened……after being a stay at home mom of two boys for just about the past eight years, my youngest started full day kindergarten. The sea of emotions that I have felt today are unlike anything I have yet to experience as a mother.
I got married young and I owned a salon but in my heart I knew I wanted to have children, raise a family and be a stay at home mom. No one encourages that sort of thing anymore and I never felt like it would happen for me. Most times I felt like I would be looked at like a failure if I sold my salon and stayed home. After a lot of planning and praying and finally not caring what other people thought, my husband and I decided that it’s what we both wanted and I sold my salon to start the journey of being a stay at home mom.
The past eight years have been filled with joy, sadness, happy days, sleepless nights, love, frustration, cuddles, tears, laughter and so much more. Today has been filled with many of the same emotions. I have worked at home raising two boys and now my job hasn’t ended by any means it’s just changed. I’m not a huge fan of change. I like my routines, I like things to stay the way they are. I mean come on, I have lived in the same small wonderful town for my entire life. I love it here, it’s my comfort zone. I have discovered that having my boys at home with me has also been my comfort zone.
I am going to miss my morning snuggles while drinking my coffee, watching super hero shows and sneaking in as many kisses as I can get. I will miss the crazy conversations that often surprise me and make me laugh. I will miss having to stop what I am doing to kiss a boo boo. I will miss hearing my name followed by “I need you”. I will miss just being able to watch him play. I will just miss him.
Today it finally happened……..I sent both my boys out into the world to be who I raised them to be.
They will now spend most of their time away from me. Things will happen in their day that I won’t know about. They will laugh and cry without me.
Today it finally happened…..I started a new chapter in my life.
I am still Luke and Liam’s mom but today I got a little bit of me back. I have given my time, my job, pretty much most of myself to be a stay at home mom. I don’t regret a single second, it’s the best decision I have ever made. Today has been filled with tears. I’m not the best mother in the world. I wish I spent more time with them. I wish I cuddled more. I wish I wasn’t so quick to get angry. I wish I didn’t yell so often. Even though there are many things I wish I could change, all in all I think I did a good job on this part of the parenting ride. There are more hurdles to jump through and more oceans to cross but today I am looking forward to the future.
“Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.” Proverbs 22:6
